Bona's distancing

December 29, 2023

Reflecting on Myself

Hello, I'm Bona, a clerical worker. My days are pretty routine, packed with work. I often daydream due to being a power N, pondering why I work and how to live. Planning for the future is something I enjoy.

What I cherish most, though, is time for self-reflection. I meditate every morning and review my week on weekends. I've been in psychological counseling for a while, and post-sessions, I feel my once jumbled thoughts finally fall into place.

The Most Impressive Book I've Recently Read

Why Can't I Fit In?

There was a time when building relationships at work was tough. My first department had a particularly toxic atmosphere with backbiting, sometimes targeting me, eroding my trust in people. I couldn't grasp what close relations at work should feel like, assuming maybe it's just the corporate nature.

After a department transfer, the atmosphere was friendly, but I felt a subtle distance from my colleagues. Watching them bond triggered my anxiety and memories of past experiences and led me to question if they were gossiping or if I was the issue.

Commute Accompanied by Complex Thoughts

“Seeing others bond without me made me anxious.”

Trying to Be Liked by Others

So, I endeavored to change my behavior, doing things that I thought would make me likable. Kind gestures shifted to being overly cautious about others' feelings. There were times when I held back my opinions in meetings, fearing disagreement might fuel dislike.

“Beyond being kind, I started to overly mind others' perceptions.”

On a Particularly Tough Day

One day, the struggle hit peak sharpness. The team left work together, but it turned out they all had a dinner engagement without me.

I was often out of the loop on casual conversations and events. Thoughts like, “Why wasn't I included?”, “What did I do wrong?”, and “How should I change?” bombarded me. I was utterly defenseless against these automatic thoughts.

Distancing: Learning to Step Back

Wrapped in negativity on my way home, I remembered the lessons from Distancing. I revisited my recorded responses in the app and was able to detach from my spiraling thoughts.

After putting some distance between me and my thoughts, things began to clear up. I could see the situation for what it was, considering the possibility that my team knew about my previous plans and felt hesitant to invite me to their gathering.

Stepping Out of the Influence of My Thoughts to Face Reality

“When I looked at each thing as it is, the situation became clearer.”

Being True to Myself

Furthermore, I've broadened my perspective on relationships at work. Perhaps it wasn’t my colleagues who disliked me, but maybe my own barriers were noticeable. This realization eased my mind.

I pondered why I was putting up walls. It became apparent that my desire to show only my best self at work meant I was always on edge, not my relaxed self, making it difficult for others to approach me.

These days, I'm practicing being more relaxed and true to myself. Initiating social plans has led to colleagues appreciating me for who I am. And now, even if there's a gathering without me, I understand. I've learned to think, “There must be a reason,” or “It's fine for them to be closer.”

“I realized that at work, pretending to be someone I'm not meant always being tense.”

A Comfortable Me, A Complete Me

Distancing taught me how to be comfortable with myself. When automatic thoughts start, dragging me down, I strive to pull myself back to completeness.

“Each time, I try to bring myself back to being complete.”

Thoughts and Emotions I Didn't Know I Had

Throughout the program, the coach pinpointed emotions I overlooked or suppressed. They delicately revisited my words and uncovered associations, revealing thoughts I wasn’t aware of.

Unlike one-hour face-to-face counseling, Distancing allows me to access it anytime during my day, prompting more frequent self-reflection. This helped me delve deeper than ever before.

Becoming a Rebel

I want to enjoy what life offers me, comfortably and completely. Distancing reminded me how vital this is to my life.

Let's not be swayed by the majority or conform. I'll become a rebel! I like being in a state where I am comfortable and complete.

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