Loving my job
I am a 35-year-old brand marketer at a financial company, named 'Nadaun'. I am more of type F than type T, enjoying communicating with people. I like to give meanings to minor things and search for hidden messages within them. Therefore, I believe that I have been enjoying my work in brand marketing to this day.
Days I've spent trying not to be left behind
For a long time, I had a desire to be always accepted by me and others. So, I think I've lived my life trying hard not to fall behind. There was constant anxiety every moment, I had to run for the distant future. When I failed, I looked for the cause in the past, lamenting, 'Can I help it?' The pressure of having to accomplish something rather than the joy of living in the moment, every moment of my life was dominated by anxiety.
“Life is like a tightrope walk that needs to achieve something, Anxiety has always dominated my life.”
Efforts to get out of anxiety
I pondered how I could live a happy life free from anxiety and have made various efforts over time.
I studied psychology to understand myself, and I also searched for books and materials to explore my inner self. I did manage to meditate consistently, which, unintentionally, came in one of my searches. When my mind was heavy, I went for a consultation, sometimes I resorted to fortune and tarot.
When my mind was heavy, I would buy things I didn't plan to purchase for a change of mood. When I felt lacking in myself, I created a more tightly planned schedule, invested time and money, and worked busily.
“When I felt lacking in myslef, I planned and moved busily, investing time and money"
Starting 'Distancing' without expecting
Despite these efforts, the anxiety I felt was not fundamentally resolved. Then, I came to know about a company called Orwell Health. This company is a startup with great interest in the mental health of modern people. Seeing their sincerity, I decided to start 'Distancing'. However, until then, 'Distancing' was one of the many efforts I made for self-understanding and problem-solving. I didn't have great expectations.
My Mother prefers My Sister
There were two significant moments of realization while I was going through the Distancing process. One was a belief, harbored from childhood, that “My mother prefers my sister”. This belief had been tormenting me up until now. I realized that this was causing frequent conflicts between me, my mother, and my sister, even now that I'm an adult.
With Distancing, I came to understand that this belief was nothing more than a projection of my own mind. I gradually started to entertain the possibility that my mother might not favor my sister over me. From that moment on, my perspective on my mother and sister started to change, and I felt that my feelings of anxiety and loneliness started to fade away.
“From then on, my perspective on my mother and sister changed, and I began to feel my anxiety and loneliness gradually fade away.”
Always Away from the Present
The second significant moment of self-revelation during the Distancing process was that I was always validating my current emotions by continuously seeking justification, instead of experiencing feelings in the present. I was always looking for reasons in the past and future. I recall a metaphor used during the theory component of the program about a flat tire incident on the way to a restaurant. The question was whether I would fix a flat tire right away, even though I arrived at a favorite restaurant with a precious person.
My answer was "No". I reasoned that a flat tire can be fixed after enjoying a meal with your beloved ones. But it made me question whether I was living a life in congruence with this response.
At that moment, I realized that I was always living in the distant future and the bygone past, not in the present, even though my body and thoughts exist in the here and now. This realization was significant. Had I not realized this, I would have been leading a life of constant dissatisfaction.
“If I hadn't realized this, I would have been continuously living an unsatisfactory life.”
Gradual, Self-Directed, Step-by-Step
Firstly, distancing is not difficult. It's a straightforward process that slowly guides you to understand your beliefs, values, and perspectives. Instead of complex theories, the program explains through metaphors drawn from daily life, giving time for individual reflection. The process also includes arranging your thoughts and receiving feedback-- process that is systemically implemented.
In coercion-based programs, even learned content can quickly evaporate. But as distancing centers around my own narrative, it's easier to understand and retain what's been learned. The program provides constant opportunities to practice in everyday life, so the acquired know-how can be quickly internalized. In contrast with didactic methods that aim for full understanding in a short amount of time, the approach of slow and self-guided advancement has been highly beneficial for me.
The Possibility of Change
I thought the roots of my life-long desire for recognition, my compulsion to never fall behind others based on that desire, and the struggle of always needing to do well stemmed from the environment in which I grew up. Consequently, I believed this desire for recognition was an immutable part of me. I thought if I could change it, it would only be through lengthy training or perhaps through a religious or spiritual process.
But since starting the distancing, I realized that my beliefs and thought patterns can be changed. When I think about the energy I expended trying to escape from anxiety and loneliness, it's amazing that this level of result came from the effort I put into the distancing.
So now, I live each day with a heart that has become considerably more comfortable. I neither blame my past nor worry about the distant future, I am willingly experiencing the present that I am living. I feel like I’ve learned how to live in the present.
“I neither blame my past nor worry about distant the future, but I willingly experience the present in my life.”
Tailored Content and Pace for Me
To summarize distancing in one word, it's a process of unfolding my story and seeking resolutions. In other words, it's a program that I personally lead. In this process, the coach helped to diagram and organize my raw stories, which was helpful in objectively viewing my own feelings.
Even if I can't complete an activity today, there's no penalty. Since it's not a competitive activity, I think I was able to carry through till the end. There are no assessments of how well or poorly you did.
Moreover, the coach adjusted the speed of the program entirely according to my comfort level. When I couldn't progress due to urgent matters, they waited patiently. They also supported me in regaining my willpower when I wanted to give up.
“Even if I couldn't complete it, there was no penalty, and since it wasn't a competition with anyone, I could carry through till the end.”
Breaking Away from Abstract Mind Management
Actually, talking about matters related to the mind can often be abstract. But with Distancing, even complex theories are explained through simple metaphors, which I found helpful. The concepts are well-organized, and the program seems to provide easy-to-understand metaphors so anyone can easily follow along.
In Distancing, thoughts and emotions are always recorded as scores. Expressing them as scores seemed to enable me to view my situation more objectively. And I gradually learned practical ways to lower the score of negative thoughts and emotions.
The Leisure that Developed Within My Heart
When living life, you can encounter hardships. There may be days when your emotions fluctuate, people you despise, and times when things don't go as expected. Occasionally, there may be frustrating or challenging times. But now, instead of trying to solve each problem as it arises, I've learned to approach it differently.
Now, I first examine my heart and focus on finding smarter answers. Unlike before, I'm now able to live a life where I recognize joy and precious moments in my present, love and care for myself, all the while having a relaxed attitude.
Living like flowing water-- that was the life I've always desired. I feel like I've gotten closer to that life. It seems like I've circled around to find that answer.
“I've been able to live a life of joy, appreciation of the present moment, and of love and care towards myself.”
For Today's Transformation, One Step at a Time
For over a decade, I've invested an enormous amount of time and money to change myself, or to solve the issues I was dealing with. But I can confidently say that I've been able to solve those problems that amassed over the years through just a few months with Distancing.
There might be various concerns like, 'How much can I really change?', 'Can I change?'. 'Isn't this program similar to the others?' From my experience, I have no regrets. Rather, I consider it fortunate to have discovered Distancing.
Of course, each person's concerns are different, so you can't get better all at once. However, through Distancing, you will gradually find hope that you can change.
For those of you who want to take one step forward each day on the path towards change, without being overly ambitious about many things, don't hesitate to give it a try!